Ever been in a room with evil? Not necessarily incarnate evil or evil that has taken human form, but a spirit of evil that froze your blood and made your skin crawl. It shows up when you are feeling the most vulnerable, and it leaves you with a terrible feeling of foreboding, and a sense of desperation because there is nothing you can do predict its coming or to keep it at bay. I had just such an experience night after night for several years during my mid to late teens.
These evil entities would come at night while I was sleeping. I woke up choking or unable to breath, and I knew I was powerless to stop their torments. They delighted in terrifying me. Sometimes I would go for a week without a visit, and I would silently hope it meant they got bored of me. But these “breaks” never lasted long, and soon they would be at it again. Because of the sleep I was loosing I began to nap as soon as I got home from school because they never bothered me during the day.
I never told anyone about these nightly visitations by evil. How do you talk about such things without people thinking you’re crazy? My dad knew something was going on with me. He was the one I woke up at 2 or 3 in the morning. All I had to say was, “Nightmare.” and he would switch beds with me. I’d crawl in bed with my mother who never seemed to awaken. And she never had any questions for me in the morning when she found me there. So I remained silent about the whole mess. I was convinced my parents could do absolutely nothing about these night time visitors even if I did find the courage to tell them. It was my horrifying secret for many years. God gave me victory over these demons, but first you need some background information.
Since childhood I've always been aware of God’s nearness, and watchful eye over me. This belief brought me great comfort in my growing up years with a difficult mother. My first memory, around two years of age, was of mother sitting in a stuffed chair in the living room crying unconsolably. I wanted to comfort her, but felt helpless to do anything. I recall being put into a crib to watch and listen to her crying. Within a few moments I felt a presence comforting me. That presence, which I would come to know as God, would always be there whenever mother wasn’t available emotionally for me, which was frequently.
But God was always there with me. What is amazing about this is that my folks never spoke of God when I was young. My parents did not attend church, or have any religious affiliations at the time. Yet I knew my Creator not only existed but cared about me. I knew this from the earliest moments of my life! I knew God was with me just as I knew the sun came up in the morning. And what a comfort this was for me!
At nine years of age daddy was transferred to a base in Wichita Falls, Texas. For the first time, in stead of living on base, our family of five moved into a neighborhood on Huckleberry Lane. It was a dirt road and gravel road with little houses on either side. Daddy bought a double lot with a tiny four room house on it, and we lived in a single-wide trailer he moved onto the lot. Across the street lived a family with a little girl my age. That first summer she invited me to Vacation Bible School at her church. I’d never heard of such a thing, nor been inside a church but it sounded like fun. Mother gave me permission to go with my friend that week. It changed my life!
I heard about the Bible, and God and His Son, Jesus. This was no doubt the God who had been my constant companion, and source of comfort up until then! After a week of VBS I wanted more so I asked mother if I could attend weekly Sunday School classes at this little church. Mother agreed to take me and my two younger sisters each week to Sunday School, and we stayed for the church service afterwards. Within a few weeks I knew I wanted to invite Jesus, God’s Son, into my heart. I went forward during an alter call, and became a follower of Jesus. Not long after that mother gave her life to Jesus as well, and my sisters followed suit. Eventually, daddy joined us in attending church when he was home.
From that point on, whenever we moved we found a church to attend as a family. In 1963 daddy retired after 20 years in the Air Force. At the age of 12 our family made one final big move to Portland, Oregon. We lived in a trailer court for a year before my parents bought their first home in a new suburb of Portland called Gresham. We found a Baptist church in the neighborhood, and became members right away.
At the age of fourteen I became aware of spiritual beings which were the opposite of God and goodness and love. These beings came to me at night while I slept. For the first time in my fourteen years I had a bedroom of my own in this three bedroom ranch-style house. Over the years my nights grew more and more terrifying. It began with what seemed to be just nightmares. On awakening I would slip across the hall to my parent’s bedroom, and stand in the doorway until daddy became aware of me standing there. Silently we would trade places. I crawled into bed with mother, and he went across the hallway to sleep in my bed. Nothing was ever said by my parents about this behavior, even as I got older.
At sixteen and seventeen this night-time pattern continued, occurring about once every couple of weeks. What changed was the severity of the night visitations by these evil tormentors. They began attacking me physically. I would awaken unable to breath, feeling as if someone was strangling me; literally feeling fingers wrapped around my neck. Paralyzed, I was unable to fight off the attack. After a few seconds I would catch my breath, jump off the bed, and run to my parent’s doorway waiting to be noticed.
I dreaded these nights. The worst part was being unable to talk about the evil spiritual visitations with anyone. Who would believe me? People would say I was crazy. But just as I knew when I was a child that God was real and loved me, I now also knew these demons were real as well and hated me. I felt completely defenseless against the random night-time attacks from these tormenting creatures.
When I entered high school at 14 I began to make poor choices in friends and activities. By the time I was 16 I didn’t have much of a relationship with the Lord. School activities included theater club which meant drinking, LSD, and sex. Although I didn’t directly engage in those activities I did play on the outskirts of it all, and surround myself with those who did. I got further and further from God. I seldom read the Bible, and fellowship with other believers wasn’t important anymore.
I began to “play” church on Sundays, but during the week I did exactly what I wanted. My relationship with God faded. I gave Him no say in my life. Decisions were based on my emotional needs and desires, not on what was best for me according to God’s plan. I was sitting on the fence with God; half on and half off. This led to doubts about my faith. For the first time in my life I asked myself, “Did God really exist?” (It’s interesting the demons stopped visiting me during this time, and I slept in peace.)
I may have been in peace at night, but I felt completely lost when awake. Nothing made sense to me. I didn’t know what I was doing on this planet. At nineteen years old I fell on my knees by the bed one night and prayed, “God, I don’t know if you are real anymore. If there is no such thing as God I’m not going to ‘play’ anymore. So show me if you are real.” I went to bed that night feeling lost, and sad, and a bit defiant.
At this time I was attending college at Mt. Hood Community in Troutdale, Oregon while living at home. Each morning I climbed onto a public bus to get to campus. This morning started out like all the others, but with one big difference. The passengers in the seats in front, and behind me were talking about Jesus. I noticed this, but didn’t think much more about it. In my first class a couple of students seated next to me were discussing Jesus! In the cafeteria lunch line folks in front of me, and behind me were conversing about Jesus! The afternoon consisted of more of the same; over-hearing random conversations about Jesus everywhere I went! It was the most bizarre thing that had ever happened to me. God had my attention. It was clear God was telling me that not only did He exist, but He heard my prayer, and was answering it in a very obvious way. God wanted me to know that His Son Jesus was real too, and the only way to relationship with God was through His Son! The end of that day I fell on my knees again, but this time in absolute belief in God and His Son, Jesus.
God spoke to me, “ Are you going to give your life to me, or are you going to keep going your own way?” Now I had to make the biggest decision of my life.
I knew it was time to get off the fence with God. My Creator cared about me, and knew what was best for me. John 3:16 was true: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will have everlasting life.” I prayed, “God, I’m yours. And I believe Jesus is Your Son, and that He took the punishment for all the wrong choices I’ve made. Take my life. I want to follow Jesus.”
That’s when God began the work of healing my emotional wounds. The empty places in my heart, and spirit were filled by God. His love was palpable. I was being transformed from the inside out by the Creator of the universe. The Bible became alive to me again. I grew into relationship with a loving God through prayer, and Bible study, and Christian fellowship. I became a different person, a stronger person. I began treating myself with grace and forgiveness, because that’s how Jesus treated me! God valued me, and that made me value myself.
But satan wasn’t giving me up without a fight. One warm spring night as I crawled into bed the temperature in the room instantly dropped to freezing. A “presence” entered the room; an evil presence. Overcome with terror I witnessed a palpable darkness fill the already dark room. This wasn’t a demon; it was satan himself. He didn’t bother disguising himself as an “angel of light” as he is sometimes referred to in the Bible. He came wrapped in a darkness fringed with the chill of fear. I pulled the covers up to my mouth, and froze in panic. What did he want? And why didn’t he send his demons this time? I no sooner asked this question then satan whispered coldly in my ear, “How do you know God is real?” That’s all he said. His sole desire was to bring doubt, and insecurity into my new found faith; to come between me and God.
I was in no hurry to answer. Too much was at stake in this moment. Satan was putting my faith to the test. Slowly, carefully I chose my words, “Satan, I can’t see you, but I can feel...your...presence, and hear...your...voice. So I know you are real. In the same way, I can’t see God, but I can feel...His...presence, and hear...His...voice. So I also know God is real. If you are this real so is God! In the name of Jesus, and the blood He shed on the cross, get out of this room!” The moment I said the name of Jesus the darkness vanished, the cold vanished, and satan vanished .
I sprang out of bed, switched the light on, and read my Bible for the next hour. That was the last time satan or any of his demons would directly contact me. He was defeated because I acknowledged my dependence on Jesus, who conquered satan when he rose from the grave! With Jesus I can be victorious against anything satan might throw at me.
This marked a new stage of spiritual growth in my life; a time of confidence and peace in Christ! It was early summer, and my church was hosting it’s annual Vacation Bible School for children in the neighborhood. Vacation Bible School is held for one or two weeks when kids are out of school on summer break. This particular VBS was each afternoon Monday through Friday. I volunteered to teach the 5th grade kids. Since recommitting my life to God I had become a regular volunteer in various church activities. I was nineteen years old on this day in June.
My small class room was located in the center of the church building so it had no windows. The room was just large enough to hold a small craft cupboard, and a long table which seated ten comfortably. Hanging on the walls were a blackboard and a large bulletin board which I’d decorated with the theme of the V.B.S. Fresh flowers were cut, and placed in the center of the table. I was ready for the kids, with about an hour to go before they arrived so there was time for some conversation with God about the week to come.
I slid down the wall at the end of the room with the door closed, facing the narrow side of the room. Sitting cross- legged on the carpeted floor, with my back supported by the wall, I began to talk with God about the week ahead. No fancy memorized prayers, just sharing my hopes and wishes for the group of kids I’d spend the week with here. I prayed with my eyes open.
After just a few moments of prayer suddenly the room began to change as a light entered from the upper left corner of the room. A “light” barely describes what entered from the ceiling, for this was like no light I’ve ever encountered. It was a vibrant, living, energy that began to fill the small room. It was hard to believe that as bright as this light was it didn’t burn my eyes, or make me squint as I looked directly into it in disbelief. I sat as still as I could I could, trying not to move or even blink because I didn’t want to interrupt what was happening.
As this incredible energy filled the room every shadow vanished. There was no darkness in the room; not under the chairs or table or anywhere. This light embodied pure love, and peace, and joy. As I sat there surrounded by this stunning and all encompassing light I was filled with perfect contentment and joy as if I’d entered what had to be the gateway to heaven. But this light was much more then a place; it was a powerful, living entity. God was revealing Himself to me. Only it was just the hem of His garment for I could not have withstood the intensity of the vision of God Himself.
At this moment there was nothing else in the world that mattered. I floated in the energy of God’s pure love. Warm and safe in this heavenly glow. Nothing but praise and hallelujahs on my lips. Never wanting to leave God’s presence. In awe of this moment beyond human comprehension or understanding.
I don’t know how long I sat there in pure bliss in the presence of my Creator, but eventually the magnificent light began to recede back out through the ceiling. I sat there for a long time after the light left praising God, and thanking Him over and over for allowing me to sit in His presence, even if just for a moment.
I’ve never forgotten a single detail of this heavenly vision. And during times of stress or adversity I’ve often thought back upon this experience to reassure myself of God’s eternal and unconditional love. Since this profound spiritual encounter I’ve never felt alone or abandoned by God. And satan and his demons have no hold on me. I have no fear of death because leaving this earth means entering heaven, and the presence of the living God for all eternity!
It is no coincidence that this spiritual encounter occurred as I was preparing to teach Vacation Bible School at my church! I was formally introduced to God at VBS in Texas, and I had this incredible personal encounter with God at VBS in Oregon! Shortly after a terrifying “face to face” encounter with satan God did something above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. God gave me this vision to counter the experiences satan and his demons had tormented me with since the age of fourteen.
Years later God revealed to me the "door" through which demons were able to enter my childhood home. My dad had a sexual attraction to children, and I was one of his victims. He never got help for pedophilia and that was how demons entered our lives. In later years the Lord healed me emotionally in a mighty way from this deep wound inflicted by my father!
Are you plagued with fear? Are you hunted by demons and spiritual darkness? Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly!” John 10:10
Jesus also said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6
One of my favorite Psalms says, “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in you. For you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:9-10
Mother took this photo of daddy and us girls leaving for church in 1962 in Abilene, Texas. I am at the far left in this photo.
