I looked like any other woman shopper perusing merchandise; thoughtfully comparing products, and then selecting my purchase. The only difference was I didn't take my selection to the cashier. I put it into my large purse. At twenty-seven years of age, the wife of a Reserve Officer in our small town police department, the mother of three preschool children, and a Christian I became (for the first time in my life) a shoplifter. It would develop into a habit that lasted three months.
I remember clearly what started my thinking about shoplifting. One Saturday my husband went out as usual as a Reserve Officer, but he came running into the house about half-way through his shift.
"I've got to get out of this uniform. A bunch of us in the department are going down to the Mall to shoplift."
In surprise I asked, "What are you talking about?"
"We are going to demonstrate to the managers of each store how easy it is to be ripped off by doing it. The managers know it's going to be sometime today, but the employees don't know anything about it." He put on his big coat with all the pockets, and headed out the door.
I could hardly wait to hear how successful his shoplifting spree had been when he got off duty that night. "It was easy", he said in amazement. "Between the five of us we took a good five hundred dollars worth in just one a a half hours, and not one of us got caught!"
"You must have taken mostly small stuff then" I said.
"No! A couple of the guys even walked off with a set of skis, and a winter parka."
My husband went on to tell me how they would return the merchandise at a meeting the next day in order to show the shopkeepers how to better protect their stores from this kind of thing, but I wasn't listening. I just kept thinking about how easy he said it had been. I plied him with questions about how each cop did it.
Our family of five lived on the wages my husband made at a minimum wage job for 35 hours a week. This was in 1978 when it was actually possible to accomplish such a feat. We did not get food stamps even though we qualified for them because my husband "didn't believe" in asking for help. We lived in a tiny rental home which I painted and wallpapered in exchange for rent so the real estate company that owned it could sell it easier when they put it on the market. Then we'd be looking for yet another home. As a stay-at-home mom of three preschoolers I was overwhelmed by poverty, and extremely depressed. I didn't have to look too far for an "excuse" to try shoplifting.
The next day I found shoplifting to be as easy as my husband described it. I justified my actions by thinking to myself I was only going to take what we needed. At first I took toothpaste, dish soap, plastic pants for the baby, and other necessities. But it didn't take long before I was taking a lot of non-essentials such as pretty kitchen towels, and jewelry and lacy undergarments for myself. I didn't take large things because I knew my husband would notice, and start asking questions. I didn't want to put myself into the position of having to fabricate answers to those questions.
In the beginning it was nice to not have to watch every penny. We were eating better because more of the budgeted household money was going for food. I was stealing most of the non-food necessities like kleenex, aspirin, shampoo, soap, etc.
My stomach was full, but my soul felt hallow. I can't really call it guilt; just emptiness. Then a strange thing began to happen. Each time I left a store with something pocketed away, a Bible verse popped into my head. I have no idea where I heard and memorized this scripture, but it came with a quietness and authority that made it clear the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. "If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear." (Psalm 66:18)
Those words hounded me, especially when I was talking to God about something troubling me. That verse made it clear that as long as I was stealing God was deaf to my prayers. What a horrible thought. I have never before or since felt as lonely as I did during those nights when I would lay in the darkness hearing that verse repeating over and over again. My prayers to my Heavenly Father were bouncing off the ceiling, and coming right back to me.
After three months of daily shoplifting, I recognized the price I was paying for stealing was too high a price. The price was separation from God! In a simple prayer I asked the Lord to forgive me, and to help me break the habit.
Shoplifting had become so automatic that I knew it was going to be very difficult to quit. (No matter what the habit, it's never easy to leave behind.) Each time I entered a store, and saw something I needed or wanted, the thought would pop into my mind, "You can have that for nothing." But that is one of Satan's biggest lies; that we don't have to pay for sin. The only thing that kept me from stealing on numerous occasions was repeating Psalm 66:18 over and over until I was out of the store.
I also avoided shopping as much as possible, and I stopped "window shopping" entirely. No more leisurely roaming through the grocery store without a shopping list. When shopping I had specific items in mind, and as soon as those items were in hand I went straight to the checkout stand. I also learned to take the smallest purse possible!
One week of battling it out with my "habit" showed me I could be victorious! Then I hit a stumbling block. I was given five dollars too much change, and the moment it was handed to me I knew a mistake had been made. But I took it, and had an argument with God all the way out to the pick-up.
"We could really use this money, Lord. And after all, it was handed to me. I didn't steal it. The clerk gave it to me!"
I sat in our truck with my head on the steering wheel for a long, long moment. All my arguments stopped, and I simply listened. When I gave the Holy Spirit a chance to get a word in, He spoke. I slipped out of the seat, and marched right back into the store to return the five dollars. Winning a million dollar sweepstakes couldn't have made me feel as happy as I did in that moment. I passed God's test! There was no doubt in my mind that's what this had been, and I got an A!
There was one last thing I had to do before I knew my struggle was over. This would be the hardest thing of all. If I was serious about never stealing again, I would have to tell someone what I had done. I chose to tell my husband of five years what I had been doing. Two weeks after I stopped shoplifting I shared with him my three months of stealing, and my intention to stop.
He was silent as I told my story; no emotions or thoughts showing on his face. When I finished, his first sentence was, "If you are ever tempted to steal again, will you please tell me so I can pray with you?" Wow! Of all the responses I imagined, this wasn't one of them. I was grateful for such a forgiving and understanding reaction from this man.
That was thirty five years ago. I can't say I've never been tempted to steal again, but I can say I have resisted the temptation. I give God the glory for this! I've learned to be content with food, and raiment, and whatever situation I've found myself in. When God doesn't supply I go without. God has proven Himself faithful to me over and over again when I trust Him with my needs, and those of my children.
If I had not stopped attempting to meet our needs on my own I would never have had the joy of watching God provide miraculously time and time again!
I'm not suggesting that everyone has a problem with stealing the way I did. But who among us hasn't struggled with a bad habit which we wanted to have victory over? Perhaps the four steps I used can also help you break a bad habit.
1. Memorize appropriate scripture that deals with the problem behavior, or thought.
2. Avoid the temptation; whether a place or a situation! While I could avoid "window shopping", I couldn't stay out of grocery stores. So I made a plan of action when I had to be near that weak area in my life.
3. Share your problem with someone you can trust who will pray for you, and encourage you. Sometimes if may become necessary to get professional help. That's OK!
4. If you fail, confess it immediately. Thank God for forgiving you. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the power to stop. Then move forward. Don't get stuck revisiting your mistakes. Put your failure in the past, and move forward. After all, God has!
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