NOT READY FOR A BABY

At my husband's urging I became pregnant with our first child. I wasn't ready to be pregnant much less have a baby. This is an understatement. I was so NOT ready that I ignored my changing body. I didn't eat properly. The first four months I actually lost weight because I became anorexic. I made no preparations for this new life; no reading, no questions for the doctor, no classes. We were both young and naive which partially played into my emotional unpreparedness. However the biggest issue to my inability to accept being pregnant was experiencing sexual abuse as a child. I simply didn't want to acknowledge the idea that I could give birth. So neither my husband nor I gave any thought to all the items a baby would require. 

To complicate things I went into premature labor, and in just four hours gave birth to a six week premature baby girl. Suddenly my denial of pregnancy came to a swift halt. That's when it dawned on me we were not physically prepared for this life changing event. We had no baby furniture or clothes or even a diaper pin. Nothing! And we had no money to purchase these things. My husband worked as a minimum wage gas station attendant, so we lived from paycheck to paycheck. We had not been given any baby showers by friends or family because we'd told so few that I was expecting. Many of you reading the above may find all this very bizarre, but I swear it is the truth.  I had no choice but to turn to God for help.

Because Tabitha weighed only 4 pounds 6 ounces she stayed in the hospital a few extra days then I did. On one of our visits to the nursery I began a conversation with another young couple who had just had their first baby. Their circumstances were very different from ours. They were both hard working professionals who had been trying to get pregnant for many years. They finally succeeded, and immediately went out and purchased everything for the nursery and baby. Colleagues, and friends, and family gave them numerous baby showers as well! When I told them about our unpreparedness (I didn't mention our lack of funds) they asked if they could send over some things to our home. I responded, "Sure".

The very next day a truck arrived with a very large appliance box in the back. It was dropped off, and they were gone before we could open it. I was astounded to find this couple had generously packed this enormous box full of brand new baby items for ages birth through one year of age! Inside was literally EVERYTHING we could possibly need for our baby's first year of life; clothes, bedding, cloth diapers and even the smallest of items like bath products and diaper pins! I wept at God's goodness to us, and how He used these new parents to help us.

I also want to add that although Tabitha was carried by a malnourished mother who got very little prenatal care, and although she was born six weeks prematurely God brought her into this world with perfectly functioning lungs and ready to thrive! The doctors were amazed that she had no physical problems other than being very tiny. We took her home at just five days old, in spite of being under five pounds, because she was doing so well! Tabitha throughout her life experienced excellent health, and at 38 years of age continues to thrive! 

On another note, I want to add that in the years which followed God taught me how to accept my body, my femaleness, and my baby daughter, Tabitha. Although damaged by childhood abuse God watched over me, and took care of me as I entered adulthood with issues that had to be dealt with. And He lovingly took care of me, and my family while I grew emotionally, and spiritually strong!  But that's another story!

Tabitha turns 39 in September!  She works as a dedicated flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.  Tabitha enjoys great emotional and physical health, and her and I have a wonderful relationship!  There are no apparent scars from her rough first couple of years.   

What needs are you facing which you can't possibly see a solution for?  What hinders you from bringing this request to the Lord?  The Bible says, "We have not because we ask not".  What's stopping you from asking?